Jane's Pain, Jane's hope
Jane is a large woman with a soft face, light curls, quiet eyes. She is pregnant. We are sitiing face to face during our first prenatal appointment. She is answering questions. I am listening, hearing her I hope. Talking about eating is a painful subject. How could that be? We all eat several times every day. Sometimes we do it without thinking, while talking or arguing or watching television. Sometimes we notice, enjoy and appreciate the sensation of absorbing our food. It's a mixed up business. It starts with the pain, the pleasure of birth, the seperation fom the warmth inside of a mother, the reconnection with her breast, her warmth, the love and pleasure of sucking her warm milk from her body and feeling love. So food is love and safety, warmth and protection. So it's not surprising that after a childhood and youth of abuse, incestuous abuse by her father at 2 years old, rape as an adolscent, invasion, lack of safety, and violence, that Jane's need for love makes her relationship with food complicated and mixed up with her feelings of shame and guilt.
Oh Jane, you were heartbroken after your cesarean. You say that this birth will be the great achievement of your life. No, because after you give birth, after you express the love for your baby with your body and with your milk, you will have many more achievements. Your delightful, smiling and much loved first child, is growing beautifully with the support and love of you and his dad. And all of you will miraculously heal in the resilient way that nature heals.