In her head, in her body.
We are an analytical species. We categorize, we analyze.
We are insinctual mammals, bodies that function involuntarily.
We are bodies. We are minds. We are mindbodies.
Women often say "I don't want to be too much in my head. I want to just let my body do whatever it does". But, being human they say "I hope I can do it. I really want it to happen before my mother arrives, at night when the kids are sleeping, and that I don't make too much noise and that I don't poop". We can't help being both mind and body because that is what we are. And it finds its mix and balance.
Fiona was very much in her head. She had planned specifically that she would spend much of her intense labor in the shower. She had given birth in the tub before and thought perhaps it wasn't for her. But she wasn't totally sure so she wanted me to fill the tub and have it ready in case she changed her mind. In labor, Fiona moved restlessly around the room eying the space, analyzing where she would give birth and asking for advice on what position would work.
I smiled at her attempts to plan and control, even as she labored, and encouraged her that she would find the position and the place for her and that baby as the birth approached. "You may like to squat low holding on here" I demonstrated, "or lean on a pile of pillows like this, or lunge with one foot up on the bed". Fiona took it in, went on dancing and marching around the room, and continued to analyze.
"What if I were standing right here," she asked. "Would you really catch him. He'd be slippery. He could slip away from you". "I would focus. I would catch him" I assured her. She continued to move: toilet to shower to kneeling on the bed, trying and wondering, still thinking,..... and then she stood, just as she had wondered if she would, and that tall, strong mindbody birthed her baby standing in the middle of the room. And he was slippery. And I caught him.